Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize