He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she looked like the before picture.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
