I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
