I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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