i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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