I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
