Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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