Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
