I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
