My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
