I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well I just put wine in my tea
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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