SEEEEXXX PLEASE
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
