Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
