I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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