First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
