By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
