He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This gyro tastes like lonliness
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
