i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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