omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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