this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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