the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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