____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize