Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
