I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
