This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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