i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
