i think my tv is drunk
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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