then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
