I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
