You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
