Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
