...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
