I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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