I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
