I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
