I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
