So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
