McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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