If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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