my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
