READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hippo gnu deer
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You ruined the universe
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
