She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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