There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
