Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Randomize
