Tell her she can't have a vagina
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize