and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
