I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
