hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
