If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
