so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
