He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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