Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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