get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
God, I missed his penis.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
