he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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