Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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