Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
