Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My Sexting was not on an AP level
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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