as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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