But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
