Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
