i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
that is very illegal...i love you.
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