Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
