Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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