what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
