Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
