Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Randomize
