I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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