I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
