dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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