I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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