his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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