You work out of a Hotel?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
