i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
