I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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