well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
