just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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