It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Buhtt sex?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just invented taco cereal.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
