I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you had me at cake vodka
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
