Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
