Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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