I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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