i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
