good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
