your parents love me but you hate me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
