there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
