My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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