Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
