You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
