'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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