How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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