I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
